- The Easter Bunny is YOU.
- Don't panic.
- Keep your clothes on, and don't murder your parents. It's just a customary lie that you are about to perpetuate with your own little bastards. So get ready for a Happy Easter you perpetuating prick.
- Buy something...any old fucking thing will do, can you still get toys at the gas station? Do it!
- If the dollar store is on your way home, it's all good on Easter! Easter Presents must have no value to your child in any way whatsoever.
- Except-if you are crazy poor/don't spend any quality time with your child- then make sure you buy crazy extravagant Easter Presents such as as flat screen playstation, or high definition bicycles that surely put you in debt.
- The Easter Bunny is notorious for making horrible decisions. Always.
- Hide that shit. Doesn't matter where, nobody wants this shitty kite anyways.
- And yes in spite of what your wife will say, hide the discount chocolate eggs in the couch. (The Easter Bunny is notorious for making horrible decisions. Always.)
- Instruct your children to search for the sub-par treasures that you have poorly hidden, but be sure to mention that Jesus is more important than the Easter Bunny
- Direct all Easter-Bunny/Jesus relation questions to the nearest "child friendly" priest.
- The Easter Bunny is YOU. The Easter Bunny is super fucking notorious for making horrible decisions. Always.
- Keep your clothes on, and don't murder your parents. It's just a customary lie that you are about to perpetuate with your own little bastards. So get ready for a Happy Easter you perpetuating prick.
- If the dollar store is on your way home, it's all good on Easter! Easter Presents must have no value to your child in any way whatsoever.
- The Easter Bunny is notorious for making horrible decisions. Always.
- And yes in spite of what your wife will say, hide the discount chocolate eggs in the couch. (The Easter Bunny is notorious for making horrible decisions. Always.)
- Direct all Easter-Bunny/Jesus relation questions to the nearest "child friendly" priest.