Really Mean Instructions for the Easter Bunny

1. The Easter Bunny is YOU.
2. Don't panic. 
• Keep your clothes on, and don't murder your parents. It's just a customary lie that you are about to perpetuate with your own little bastards. So get ready for a Happy Easter you perpetuating prick. 
3. Buy something...any old fucking thing will do, can you still get toys at the gas station? Do it! 
• If the dollar store is on your way home, it's all good on Easter! Easter Presents must have no value to your child in any way whatsoever.
4. Except-if you are crazy poor/don't spend any quality time with your child- then make sure you buy crazy extravagant Easter Presents such as as flat screen playstation, or high definition bicycles that surely put you in debt. 
• The Easter Bunny is notorious for making horrible decisions. Always.
5. Hide that shit. Doesn't matter where, nobody wants this shitty kite anyways. 
• And yes in spite of what your wife will say, hide the discount chocolate eggs in the couch. (The Easter Bunny is notorious for making horrible decisions. Always.)
6. Instruct your children to search for the sub-par treasures that you have poorly hidden, but be sure to mention that Jesus is more important than the Easter Bunny
• Direct all Easter-Bunny/Jesus relation questions to the nearest "child friendly" priest.
7. The Easter Bunny is YOU. The Easter Bunny is super fucking notorious for making horrible decisions. Always.