Sunday, March 25, 2012

Really Mean Instructions for Small Cereal Boxes

STEP 1     Open top by pressing in top perforations.

STEP 2     Feel like a stupid idiot because you are one! You can’t press in those top perforations! Get a fucking knife! Now your cereal is crushed. 

STEP 3     Get a fresh box.  Carefully cut along the suggested (but not really perforated), lines on the face of the box. It forms a capital letter “I”, if that helps. Duh.

STEP 4     Peel back sensually. 

STEP 5     Using the same knife, cut open the cereal bag you’ve discovered inside. Oh wait, it’s already full of holes because you perforated the cardboard to deeply. Obviously add very little milk and eat practically dry. 

STEP 6     Grow the fuck up and stop eating out of cardboard boxes like a cat-befriending hobo! Step-Go Fuck Yourself and open the top of the box pour it into a little bowl and eat it like a human being with a job. 

STEP 8     If you do not understand Step 6, get a fucking job.

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